We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
