Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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