What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
