Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
