when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
