apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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