She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
