I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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