I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
