the day after is always just damage control
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
