he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
