i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
