Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
