Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
