So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
