it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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