when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
