he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
