i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
