Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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