Little spoons don't ask big questions
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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