jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
