She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
