Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
