Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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