Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
