P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
