ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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