He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
