I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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