The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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