I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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