I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
