Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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