I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
