If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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