Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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