You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
