my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
