Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
