I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
