it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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