Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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