You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
