I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
