Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
