The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
