What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize