Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
