god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
