He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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