WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
