I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
