mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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