I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
