theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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