Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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