just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I touched a dick in church today
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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