And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
