90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
