I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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