you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
