based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
