I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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