am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
