Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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