KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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